hi. it's me.

because i've been tagged by melis and jaime to discuss 5 random things. because i know you've all been wondering. but mostly because there's nothing in this world that i love more than talking about myself. not my children, not my husband, no not even my own dignity. nothing.

  • i blame the school nurse. of course it's her fault. she should of never lined up my 6th grade class, had us stand on that scale and announce our weight aloud for her assistant to jot down in their record book. my whopping 103 lb. frame was only 2 pounds shy of the heaviest boy (who shall remain nameless) in our class. and thus began my never ending love-hate relationship with food.
  • i wish i had never punched that girl in her face. and i should of never been dragged off that field screaming obscenities in front of my parents and my friend's parents. embarrassing? of course. but what's worse is after having time to sleep off the anger, i still thought it was cool. it took some maturing to realize that it was so not cool. and now i can't even think about that moment without cringing. so embarrassing.
  • i envy people that can pull off the casual dress look. i want so badly to be that girl who throws on a dress just to head to the park or to run some errands. i've tried. i just end up feeling uncomfortable and way over dressed. instead i look like this (please refer to above image.) most days. bare feet - clear polish. no offense to others, but i think color just looks silly. jeans - preferably levi's. thrifted tee - preferably layered. so i basically feel more comfortable looking like a prepubescent boy than an almost 26 yr old woman. we are who we are.
  • i really shouldn't of said that. i dwell for days, weeks, and even months over things i've said to people. i lay in bed replaying the conversation in my head over and over again. why do i do that? i think i'm hoping that the ending will change and i can somehow convince myself that i didn't really say what i said. it feels kind of like getting up off the couch to open the fridge 10 times in the same 1/2 hour. nothing has magically changed since you were there last. but it's the hope that something has that keeps you going back.
  • i lie. i do. not about anything important or ever to anyone close to me. but i'll lie to complete strangers. did i really need to tell that man at alberto's (who was very obviously talking about me to his friend) that i was fluent in spanish and i understood everything he just said? como? his silence confirmed my suspicions. or did i need to tell that judge that i was due any moment to get out of jury duty, when really i had a good 6 weeks of my pregnancy left? there's a grey area with honesty that i don't know i'm completely comfortable with. which is why i'm now trying to be entirely honest with others and with myself...just don't ask me if your butt looks big.

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