every year lived is another lesson learned

sunday's best

dear kayleen,

you're 27 years old today. congrats. that number sounds old to you and until just recently, you thought you were actually turning 26. joke's on you. while you rarely ever finish what you start, your guilt has persuaded you to, once again, go back to school. good for you. you'll be the oldest and most pregnant one there. you know that it's never wise to announce your expecting this early on, for fear of the oh-so-awkward "i've miscarried" talk, but you've never been one for keeping secrets. -- it feels a little like lying to you. plus, 7 weeks along on your third pregnancy is a completely different world than it was on your first. you'd rather people know that the bulge hanging over your jeans is in fact there for a reason. you're slow to take offense. you think that's the best quality about you. so when spencer said you were starting to look a little swollen at a mere 4 weeks along and when he forgot to say happy birthday to you this morning, it really wasn't that big of a deal. you just let it roll off your back. you crave affirmation. that's easily the worst thing about you. you're good with money. but that could simply be because you don't have any. you fancy yourself a good dancer (you took classes when you were younger). but your husband is the only person who's ever confirmed that thought with you, so you know deep down that it's probably not true. as you've gotten older you've learned to appreciate the beauty in simplicity. you wear less makeup and care little about adorning yourself with jewelry or the latest fashion trends. you like that about yourself. for being a mother, you sure don't feel very maternal. you hate that about yourself. you see more of your husband than you do yourself in your two little boys. that makes you want to have a whole herd of 'em. you pray for patience every day. some days it comes. most days it doesn't. you've gotten used to sharing your opinions openly and prematurely. and for that reason, you've had to eat your words on many an occasion. that's a lesson you'll have to continually relearn. you love to kill time and time will always make a fool of you again and again. -- that's a lesson you refuse to learn. you're your happiest during the opening credits in a movie theater. you think there's nothing better in this world than sharing a momentary lapse of reality with 200 strangers. speaking in front of a crowd has never scared you, but faced with a one-on-one conversation and your palms get clammy. -- shooting the breeze is not really your forte and has never come easy to you. in large groups of people you become overly boisterous. you always regret letting yourself act like that the next morning. you actually enjoy working out. -- the 10 (or 20) extra pounds you carry around with you is just because you enjoy taco bell more. you know that you watch way too much tv and that's never a good thing for anyone. but you've never felt like you've needed to apologize for it. plus, you've had a hard day. sit back on the couch and kick your feet up. you deserve it.

happy birthday,


Emily Ruth said...

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
The Beatles
(and emily)

diana rose said...

okay... one more time.

happy birthday, prego.

love you.

Emily Ruth said...

Ohyeah. Congratulations! : )

Amy said...

Congratulations! And happy happy birthday.

Jen said...

Congrats!!!! & Happy Birthday!!!

the MomBabe said...

Aw, congrats little mama!

Plus, you know you are like, my favorite blogger, don't you? Seriously. I love it.

Miranda said...

Oh, great post!!
Happy Birthday!

afton said...

i loved this post a lot. and why is it that i would choose public speaking over seating in the car with only one person forced to have a one-on-one? we're all pretty good in a crowd. its the only thing we've ever known.

happy birthday sis. i think you're kinda awesome.

Kathryn said...

Happy Birthday and congrats on #3. Are you sure it isn't 3 and 4 (just kidding)? I'm not so good with shooting the breeze either, I'd rather leave a comment on a blog than talk to someone in person. So if I ever avoid you in public, you now know why.

Also, good luck in school.

MaMaMaMandy said...

Was I the first one to wish you Happy Birthday? hmmmm that generally never happens...I'm always the one that thinks about it a week in advance then totally forgets on the actual day...I don't know if that has a name for it, but that's me. I liked this post Kays. I don't know if I could ever write a post like that...I'm much to fragile to openly talk about all of my (actual) mannerisms and thoughts. You are bold... That is what I like about you.

PS- why didn't you tell me you danced? Maybe we should do the Beyonce dance together...just so you realize it's not THAT hard. Happy Bday.

brady lady said...

happy birthday once again and i am so happy you are pregnant, think girl, girl, girl, probably a boy! congrats kayleen.

Carrie said...

Happy Birthday! What a nice post....I too thought I was turning 32 when it was really 34....how sad for me!

Zach and Whitney said...

happy birthday and congratulations on your little one!!

Annelise H. Jensen said...

I love your 'letter to Kayleen'. If I get up the guts I might do it myself on my birthday... Happy Birthday and Congrats.

sarahjane said...

Hooray! Happy Birthday and congratulations! I had to read that sentence twice.

Erika Gunn said...

Happy Birthday and Happy Baby!

angela hardison said...

I loved this post. (I love all your posts).

Happy happy birthday. And CONGRATULATIONS on another kid! I sort of want one of my own.

Mimi said...

I love your posts, this is a great letter to yourself, very informative for the rest of us.
Congrats on the baby, do you have a preference on what it is? I would think you'd like to just keep making the cute boys.

&...of course, Happy Birthday!

chelsea :: stock said...

happy belated, love your stupid sister in law who didn't write your birthday down... (i'm sorry)

and I can't believe for YOUR birthday, you are giving US the gift of another niece or nephew to love on and adore. I, for one, can't wait.

miss you guys daily.

little jill said...

Just catching up. I didn't get to comment on your last post but you can join my club. First day of Kindergarten there were no tears for me. I think I moonwalked back to my car. Anyhow, very entertaining post.


cheerleader said...

Happy bday Kayleen. You keep it so honest, I like lying to myself better, but that's one of my favorite things about you! 27 is so young and it's sad I think that.

sarah said...

oh, i'm so late. but that's nothing new...

so happy birthday via the internet. i hope it was a good'n.

and to keep things all about me: for my birthday i would like to see a dance-off between you and mandy.

miss you. tonz.