every year lived is another lesson learned

dear kayleen,

you're 27 years old today. congrats. that number sounds old to you and until just recently, you thought you were actually turning 26. joke's on you. while you rarely ever finish what you start, your guilt has persuaded you to, once again, go back to school. good for you. you'll be the oldest and most pregnant one there. you know that it's never wise to announce your expecting this early on, for fear of the oh-so-awkward "i've miscarried" talk, but you've never been one for keeping secrets. -- it feels a little like lying to you. plus, 7 weeks along on your third pregnancy is a completely different world than it was on your first. you'd rather people know that the bulge hanging over your jeans is in fact there for a reason. you're slow to take offense. you think that's the best quality about you. so when spencer said you were starting to look a little swollen at a mere 4 weeks along and when he forgot to say happy birthday to you this morning, it really wasn't that big of a deal. you just let it roll off your back. you crave affirmation. that's easily the worst thing about you. you're good with money. but that could simply be because you don't have any. you fancy yourself a good dancer (you took classes when you were younger). but your husband is the only person who's ever confirmed that thought with you, so you know deep down that it's probably not true. as you've gotten older you've learned to appreciate the beauty in simplicity. you wear less makeup and care little about adorning yourself with jewelry or the latest fashion trends. you like that about yourself. for being a mother, you sure don't feel very maternal. you hate that about yourself. you see more of your husband than you do yourself in your two little boys. that makes you want to have a whole herd of 'em. you pray for patience every day. some days it comes. most days it doesn't. you've gotten used to sharing your opinions openly and prematurely. and for that reason, you've had to eat your words on many an occasion. that's a lesson you'll have to continually relearn. you love to kill time and time will always make a fool of you again and again. -- that's a lesson you refuse to learn. you're your happiest during the opening credits in a movie theater. you think there's nothing better in this world than sharing a momentary lapse of reality with 200 strangers. speaking in front of a crowd has never scared you, but faced with a one-on-one conversation and your palms get clammy. -- shooting the breeze is not really your forte and has never come easy to you. in large groups of people you become overly boisterous. you always regret letting yourself act like that the next morning. you actually enjoy working out. -- the 10 (or 20) extra pounds you carry around with you is just because you enjoy taco bell more. you know that you watch way too much tv and that's never a good thing for anyone. but you've never felt like you've needed to apologize for it. plus, you've had a hard day. sit back on the couch and kick your feet up. you deserve it.

happy birthday,
me