they prefer to wear capes

we watched El Orfanato* this past weekend and it completely ripped my insides apart.

blame it on the movie or on the hormones (or on the fact that i've been watching an embarrassing amount of TLC's baby story), but i've been consumed with thoughts of how short a time we have with our children as they are now. how impossible it feels to teach them everything you hoped you'd be able to. and how young in life you feel yourself, that at times teaching them anything feels a lot like teaching lessons you've yet to learn. -- and i hate feeling like a fraud.

the impending arrival of our baby girl has only compounded these feelings for me.

i wake in the mornings with unrealistic fears that she'll emerge from the womb wearing pink nail polish, feeling like she got jipped because her mother's unable to teach her how to put her hair in a cute little side pony or how to throw an out-of-this-world princess party.
they wear capes
but i can teach her how to be a cape-wearing superhero and how to hold her own when life slaps her in the face. -- because backbone was the best gift my mother ever gave to me. (the most i could hope for is to be able to regift that to my own daughter.)

*of course i could refer to it as The Orphanage, but where's the fun in that?


diana said...

love this post. i think about these things a lot myself.

and you're already a fantastic mom to two fantastic boys, there's no doubt in my mind that your clear nail polished girl won't be equally fantastic.

and in all honesty, ava would much rather be a superhero than a princess. it's just her nature. which i absolutely love about her. emaline on the other hand already loves all things fluffy and glittery. to each their own, i love it all.

brady lady said...

side pony tails and princess parties are over-rated! and pink nail polish is not so bad!

cute post! i understand your over-flow of emotions, i hate hormones, they seriously make you crazy and weepy all at once!

chelsea :: stock said...

"and how young in life you feel yourself, that at times teaching them anything feels a lot like teaching lessons you've yet to learn. "

this stops me in my tracks more than anything else when it comes to being a mother.

mom once told me she felt 20 in her mind and I thought that was so shocking... until I had kids. suddenly I felt like I knew my mom so much better.

I can't wait to see what your little girl is like, because you are a phenomenal mother. and spencer is a phenomenal father. seriously. it will be great.

Crystal said...

I think backbone is the best gift of all. Really, I do.

Katie said...

youre not alone kayleen.

MaMaMaMandy said...

Kayleen- I thought when the ultrasound tech told me I was having a girl I was being punished for being a tomboy my whole life.

I'm a dude chick. The only thing girlish I do is wear toenail polish- I swear (and that's just because my nails have weird white marks on them, so naturally the polish covers them- therefore allowing me to keep my confidence)...

The point is- your girl will be who she is- regardless if you give her a cape or a princess party. We were made parents to be embarrased of our children, as our parents were. Alas, I love my parents, they love me, I love my Jovie- she loves me. Love all around. The rest just doesn't matter. Kids will be kids.