9.12.2009

keep calm and carry on

or take another percocet and send the other 2 to grandma's.
Picnik collage
Picnik collage
the 72 hour hospital stay was grand. the food delicious. my favorite part might have been the night nurse documenting my mini melt down as a full blown panic attack. i guess going from "i'm having chest pains" straight to "OMG! i'm gonna lose all my limbs just like that lady on oprah did!" and crying uncontrollably qualifies as a panic attack in the medical field. -- but what do i know, i'm not a doctor.

i'm still feeling a bit spotty and erratic and am probably threatening to "lose it" at least 10 times a day. -- our new calming wall color has yet to put a dent in any of my internal chaos and my recent behavior has landed me with 2 copies of catching fire and 1 nasty email addressed to amazon that contained an embarrassing amount of exclamation points. -- we're all hoping that the hormones start leveling out sooner rather than later.

the small victories made as a new mother of three have been conquering breast feeding, avoiding the awkwardness of double booking dinner and not giving in to the postpartum temptation of chopping or bleaching out my hair. not all change is good, kayleen. not all change is good. now on to bigger and more challenging battles: the diet starts monday.

(not this monday. next.)

15 comments:

Jen said...

Oh I know I'm going to have a few panic attacks myself- I honestly don't know how I'm going to take it. W/ my 1st I didn't know what to expect- but now w/ the 2nd I do & I'm totally starting to freak myself out.

You Rock & You can totally handle anything- Good Luck!

chelsea :: stock said...

it's because they out number you now, isn't it?

I'm sorry you feel like you are gonna "lose it" and even more sorry that I can't help you out as I am far away. however, if you need to call and vent, I am your gal. (seriously, I get lonely)

love you sis.

Artfulife said...

I felt the same way when I had my third. The first few months were filled with panic and fear, no postpartum depression, just the constant phrase floating through my head, "What have I done???!!!?" Going from two kids to three kids was just crazy! I was told many times that three is the hardest. Any after that just fall into place. I have yet to see if that is true. I do however want you to know it does get easier. I can honestly say 2.5 years after the fact that it is downright fun having three kids. Enjoy that sweet little bundle & congratulations to you and your family.

aezra noell said...

I have to remember: the Lord only gives us what we can handle. I have to remember to talk to the Lord and tell him how Im feeling. then i feel a little more put-together. You're a brave girl, you're built for it!

Melissa Lundquist said...

ha ha you are so funny... 72 hours? uh. death. you are a trooper. i don't know how women do it with multiple kiddos. she is so gorgeous k. you are so strong. thanks for the story.

brady lady said...

seriously kayleen the hormones make every women crazy so we all know how you feel i'm just barely starting to feel normal again and alyssa is already one. anyways, your baby girl is too cute and i hope you all are doing well. how is c-section #3? recovery so far? if i lived closer i would bring you dinner, sorry.

Whitney said...

OH man. The first night with Presley in the hospital I couldnt sleep at all. I was so worried she wasnt breathing... she was. Um So, I love that wall color. Whos is by and whats it called?

diana said...

i'm going to leave you the same comment that you left on my blog right after i had emaline...


"you know i know, you know?"



i'm here if you need me. i'll call you.

Jill said...

Sucker. That's no good. Those hormones are tricky business. Take comfort in the fact that we all know; we've all been there or will be there. Back in the day, our mothers didn't admit to each other that it was hard or that somebody couLD GET HURT AT ANY MOMENT!

At least there's that. Even if it doesn't help one little bit at all.

chelsea :: stock said...

ps that photo in the top middle... love it. the layered blankets, the way jonah is curled on your chest... jonah will cherish this picture.

sarah said...

that is precisely why i won't watch oprah. i don't need panic-attack-inducing fodder.

wish i was there to come get the boys. miles needs to teach o's the joy of saying "booby" 1500 times a day.

(top middle pic is the best hospital pic ever.)

loving life with livie said...

kayleen, if i may say, "blessed are the mothers of redheads".

soon will come the breast-feeding, the leveling out of the hormones & the sleep. and soon after that will come the constant questions by strangers in stores of "WOW! a redhead!" & "WOW! where'd she get that beautiful red hair?"

...she'll be adored by all. and you'll realize it was ALL worth it.

from one mom to another said...

Your post feels so familiar. A third child can trigger severe postpartum depression. It did with me and many other mothers I’ve talked to since. Please get help if you think you might be battling depression. I regret listening to those moms who said, “it’s normal. we’ve all been there”. I regret not getting help when I needed it and cheating myself out of enjoying that precious first year with my child.

kayleen said...

thank you.

Tiffany Bolk Photography said...

beautiful photos!