my eyes are biting

miss me?

i would say i've been busy, but i'd be lying. a month bout of pms - yeah, that math wasn't adding up for me either - and the sudden disenchantment with putting any of my authentic self out on display would probably fall closer to the truth.

or i'm just lazy. (i've been referred to as emotionally lazy on more than one occasion, so maybe that's it. feeling things, ugh. i'd rather not.)

somewhere in between last week's insomnia and the most random burst of online research to find the perfect pair of jeans, i fell upon this video essay by k center, found via annelise. from the title alone, i was fully prepared to make fun of it - we do what we're good at - but instead my body betrayed me and started to cry one of those ugly, choking uncontrollably, snot-faced cries. and then the panic set in that i must be pregnant. ps, i'm not (can i get a what what).

maybe i was a little hormonal. or maybe it was simply that her sentiments weren't lost on me . either way, it caught me off guard and i knew that i was in pretty bad shape when i could hear spencer laughing uncomfortably from across the room before asking me if i was alright.

and i was. better than alright even. and that, my friend, is a good place to be.


abby said...

can we be friends? please? i really want to be friends.

diana said...

wow, i was caught off guard too, even with your warning. i wish i could express my thoughts that well, i wish they were mine to give to my girls.

Jen said...

I so needed to see this.
Thank you!

sarah said...

ugly cries only happen with things love-related. the most beautiful can make us the most ugly. for me, at least. but my life trends to the extremes most days.

you know what i wish? i wish i would've heard this before i became a mother. because almost every point made was one that i have questioned and beat myself up over at one point in my sojourn as a mother. i wish i would have heard it, so in those low moments of "loving and losing and falling apart" i could remember that i heard this all was normal someplace, somewhere along the line.