resolute

my new year started out by finishing a dress for my 14 yr old niece. when i was finished i thought i'd try it on, just to make sure the size was right.

arms and head through...okay we're doing good. down over and around the chest...a little snug but i remember it's for a 14 yr old. i continue to pull it down towards the hips and back side...i've hit a wall. the dress won't budge and there i stand, staring at the reflection of a girl wearing a dress stretched to it's fullest capacity in all directions, and i don't recognize her. i panic.

if i can't even squeeze my tiny little hips into this dress, there's no way it'll fit her. maybe i can convince her that spandex minis are back in. i hand the dress over with the disclaimer, "now, katie. it might be a little tight..."

she slips it on with ease and it fits beautifully.

i have a few minutes in the car ride home to reflect. i realize that i don't have the body of a teenager anymore and my minds-eye has been lying to me for so many years now.

so if i don't really look how i see myself in my mind, then what is the reality? this is what i came up with...the reality is that i live off of fast food and mountain dew. you don't see me at the gym because i don't work out. i've carried two little humans in my belly for more months than i think is even necessary. i've anxiously picked at my skin to death, which has left me with more than one scar on my face. i constantly have chapped lips because i don't bother with chapstick. no sleep and smudged mascara from the night before always results in the black circles you see around my eyes.

have i let myself go? i don't think so. i think i do too much. yes, i said it. i try to take on too much crap. silly, worthless, of no benefit to me or my family, crap.

so my resolutions for 2008 are not to do more, or to set myself up for disappointment. i will not make a list of things to improve upon, or things to do more of. my new years resolution is to simply do less. less sewing. less working. less scheduling. resulting in more eric carle book reading. more dinner cooking. more living room floor wrestling. more of what i want to do, and less of what i feel i have to do. welcome home 2008. should be a great year.