day 3.
we seem to be bombarded lately with a lot of noise about being present, or just being in general.
if i'm being honest, the talk is all a bit arbitrary to me.
not that it's lost on me completely. it's not. but the only thing i can seem to liken it to personally are those rare moments in life when, for only a brief second, your entire self feels completely and acutely aware. as if the tunnel vision we've allowed ourselves to grow accustomed to suddenly pans out causing everything around us to, for lack of a better word, swell.
ideas and notions seem to resonate on more of a physiological level with me.
tell me where a physical pain is felt from loving your child and i get that. it's tangible.
tell me that those rare moments in which your entire self is present are manifested in the sound of the swell buzzing in your ears or in the feel of your throat closing inward and i'll get that too.
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Well, I don't get any of it.
i know. it's all very confusing.
my attitude on being present has recently changed. i used to think that it meant that i had to be fully in every moment. that was my goal. no distractions, no sideroads. but watching an episode of wubzy changed that. (don't tell me cartoons don't teach lessons these days.) my mind, and i think the majority of all mothers, just aren't wired to only think and do one thing at a time.
but allowing myself to notice, stop and live in those moments when the eyes burn and when the throat closes... that's the nectar.
it makes me happy you can feel me on this.
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